Once upon a time, there was a magical sorceress named Lu. She saw her visions through a crystal ball, but not how most witches saw into their crystal balls. No, this special creature had to bite her crystal ball to see the future.
One day, a wicked man came to ask Lu to tell him his future. He came dressed as a plain peasant man, and pretended that he was kind and meek when he spoke to the great sorceress Lu. But Lu said, "See here, wicked man. My crystal ball says that you're a no good and vile creature! How dare you try to fool me!"
The wicked man retorted with, "Well, that's not even a crystal ball at all! It's metal! How dare YOU try to fool ME!"
Lu laughed casually and said, "Touche, my friend. Touche."
The wicked man asked, "So you're not a magical sorceress after all?"
To which Lu replied nervously, "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Well," inquired the wicked man further, "does your stupid metal ball even work?"
Lu answered, "I don't really know, but look! It's shiny."
Indeed, it was shiny. But was it magic, Lu secretly wondered?
Lu was faced with a dilemma. If the ball wasn't magic, she should cast it away!
No wait! It's shiny! Lu could not part with the metal ball, magic or no magic.
But she had a great, super, amazing, awesome idea! She'd put on her magic hippie beanie! Surely it would help her to see the future.
Mwah-ha-ha! Lu laughed wickedly. Now, all the world's power was hers!
But her conscience would not allow her to stop thinking about her abandoned metal ball. What if it was magic?
And was the hat even magic? I mean, who wears fluorescent yellow anyway?
Oh, of course! Curses, curses! The wicked man had tricked her! He was after the magic metal ball and had distracted her with the blasted hat!
Stupid hat! Stupid, stupid!
Well, perhaps fluorescent yellow is okay, what with the 80s being so fashionable these days.
But I tell you, I pity the fool who messes with me! That wicked man is in deep trouble!
And with that, Lu put on her superhero cape.
But what would her plan be?
Ha ha! Of course! She would turn the wicked man into a pair of men's underwear...bikini briefs...no, a thong! Mwah-ha-ha!
All of the people of the village were so thrilled, that they rewarded the magical sorceress named Lu with thousands of toys.
At first, Lu was ecstatic! She was like, "Eff yeah!"
But the toys didn't make her happy for very long.
In fact, just three moons later, she was found sobbing on a pile of peasants' laundry.
And what happened in the end, you ask? Well, the magical sorceress named Lu was found by a handsome bearded king and a beautiful white-haired princess. They all lived happily ever after in a white castle, where they played hide-and-seek and watched movies every day.