God let us out of hell and into purgatory

Purgatory is sooooo much better than hell. In hell, I was woken up every five minutes throughout the night. Each time I would be just about to doze off, loud demon shrieking would slap me upside the head. In purgatory, I get actual two-hour blocks of sleep throughout the night, and only one session of uncontrollable crying until teething tablets have done their magic. In hell, coffee made me feel like a crackhead and I cried when I walked into my messy living room. In purgatory, coffee works like a charm and I actually clean the messy living room instead of feeling victimized by it.

Amazingly, the whole time I was in hell, Talula pretended like nothing weird was going on. While it was daytime, that is. Nighttime was a different story. But isn't that how all creatures of darkness work? Vampires, werewolves, babies. Unfettered by nighttime, Talula made the cat her daytime victim.



She was also undeterred from maximum enjoyment of Teletubbies.





She did not, however, appreciate any of my attempts to joke with her during these trying times. I was like, "Knock, knock."

And she was like, "Who's there?"

And I was all, "Banana."


She looked at me, all skeptical, and was like, "Banana who?"

I said, "Knock, knock."


Confused, she's all, "Who's there?"

And I'm all, "Banana!"


And she's like, "Banana who?"

And I laugh knowingly to myself, saying, "Knock, knock."


And she's getting pissed, like, "WHO'S THERE???"

So I say, "Orange."

And she's thinking, WTF? "Orange who?"


And I'm all, "Orange you glad I didn't say banana again!?"

And she's like, "You're not my real mom! I hate you! Your jokes are dumb!"


Sheesh.

Tania has been doing one of the three things that her stereotypical white girl mother cannot do. She's been hula hooping. I also can't dance or jump.







And she's been building little villages around the house. See the bridge? Her main characters live just outside the town so they don't have to mix with the common folk. And that basket behind her is a church. She said everyone lays on the ground and prays for two hours a day, but that they don't force others to pray or go to church. I don't know where she's getting this from. We're borderline atheists.