Monday, August 20, 2007

My baby walks.

Finally. And thank God, because I was getting really tired of people's comments and questions. "Why doesn't she walk yet?" "Ohhh, my grandson was walking at seven months." "What does the doctor say?"


So I think it all made me go temporarily insane. I started making up reasons why my baby didn't walk yet.

EXAMPLE ONE:

Lady: Wow, she's huuuuuge. How old is she?
Me: 14 months.
Lady: Oh, she's not walking yet?
Me: No.
Lady: Ohhh...I thought they started walking by one year.
Me: Oh, well, it's because of The Accident.
Lady: Oh?
Me: Yeah...her um, dad, uh...threw her down the stairs. She's paralyzed from the waist down.
Lady: Oh my gosh!

At this this point, Joey walks up and picks up Talula and says, "Here's your daddy, Lula!" Lady looks horrified. Then Joey puts her down and she stands up for a while.

Me: Oh my God! It's a miracle! She can stand! She can stand!

Joey looks confused. Lady shakes her head and walks away.

EXAMPLE TWO:

Lady: What a chubby little thing! How old?
Me: 5 months.
Lady: Only 5 months!? Wow!
Me: Yeah, she was 15 pounds when she was born.
Lady: Oh my God. That's amazing! And she's crawling? Wow, just...wow!
Me: Yeah, I was the same way. So was my other daughter.

EXAMPLE THREE:

Lady: You cute little chubby thing! How old are you?
Me: 29.
Lady: Oh, ha ha. No, how old is the baby?
Me: Oh. 14 months.
Lady: Well, does she walk yet?
Me: No.
Lady: Hmmm...well, I'm pretty sure she should be walking by now.
Me: Ohhh...yeah, well see the thing is, she's really, really, really stupid.
Lady: What?
Me: No, I'm serious. She's really stupid. My other daughter was never that stupid.
Lady: Really?
Me: Yeah, watch this. Talula. Talula. What's two plus two? See? I mean, who doesn't know what two plus two is? Stupid. Stu. Pid.
Lady: You can't be serious.
Me: What do you mean? Don't you know what two plus two is? Watch this. Talula. Talula. Who is the president? Yeah, see that? Everyone knows that. Stupid.
Lady: Uh, this is weird.
Me: Yeah, tell me about it.

11 comments:

A said...

*snort*

Remind me to call you when faced with the incredible stupidity of "well-meaning" folks. Those are some brilliant responses. :)

Miss you guys! Glad it is going well there. :-D

~adina

Korin said...

Man, i wish you lived in my head.

Jen said...

you crack me up! Hooray for Talula!!

elliesmadre said...

I can't wait to live near you. I'll have to remember some of these examples for when stupid people ask me about E still nursing or sleeping with us. :)

angstmonkey said...

I. love. you.

Lee said...

Hahahahaha! Man, I'll have to remember these as Jake is 14 months and OMG NOT WALKING YET. Hooray for Talula and funny Candice!

Laura said...

OMG WUTS WRONG WITH U??? U SHUD huv TRANED HER to WALK at 1YR.

I hate people who know nothing about babies and swear they know everything. Seriously. Talula is such a cuddlebug!

Laura said...

btw, anxiously awaiting pics of the new house!

Azuluna said...

Okay...I have followed your sig here from MDC before, but I had to subscribe so I could tell you that this entry is possibly the funniest thing I have ever read.

SwissArmyWife said...

Thank you for making me giggle!

jhcckkm said...

I am just cruising along the net and come across your blog - - and I get to this post and ....
OMG, I LMMFAO!!!!

I seriously have tears running down my face (making it VERY hard to type).

Thanks so much for the laughs!! : )

www.jhcckkm.wordpress.com