My baby walks.

Finally. And thank God, because I was getting really tired of people's comments and questions. "Why doesn't she walk yet?" "Ohhh, my grandson was walking at seven months." "What does the doctor say?"


So I think it all made me go temporarily insane. I started making up reasons why my baby didn't walk yet.

EXAMPLE ONE:

Lady: Wow, she's huuuuuge. How old is she?
Me: 14 months.
Lady: Oh, she's not walking yet?
Me: No.
Lady: Ohhh...I thought they started walking by one year.
Me: Oh, well, it's because of The Accident.
Lady: Oh?
Me: Yeah...her um, dad, uh...threw her down the stairs. She's paralyzed from the waist down.
Lady: Oh my gosh!

At this this point, Joey walks up and picks up Talula and says, "Here's your daddy, Lula!" Lady looks horrified. Then Joey puts her down and she stands up for a while.

Me: Oh my God! It's a miracle! She can stand! She can stand!

Joey looks confused. Lady shakes her head and walks away.

EXAMPLE TWO:

Lady: What a chubby little thing! How old?
Me: 5 months.
Lady: Only 5 months!? Wow!
Me: Yeah, she was 15 pounds when she was born.
Lady: Oh my God. That's amazing! And she's crawling? Wow, just...wow!
Me: Yeah, I was the same way. So was my other daughter.

EXAMPLE THREE:

Lady: You cute little chubby thing! How old are you?
Me: 29.
Lady: Oh, ha ha. No, how old is the baby?
Me: Oh. 14 months.
Lady: Well, does she walk yet?
Me: No.
Lady: Hmmm...well, I'm pretty sure she should be walking by now.
Me: Ohhh...yeah, well see the thing is, she's really, really, really stupid.
Lady: What?
Me: No, I'm serious. She's really stupid. My other daughter was never that stupid.
Lady: Really?
Me: Yeah, watch this. Talula. Talula. What's two plus two? See? I mean, who doesn't know what two plus two is? Stupid. Stu. Pid.
Lady: You can't be serious.
Me: What do you mean? Don't you know what two plus two is? Watch this. Talula. Talula. Who is the president? Yeah, see that? Everyone knows that. Stupid.
Lady: Uh, this is weird.
Me: Yeah, tell me about it.